Private Gated Communities are Really Porta-Pottys with a See-Through Shell

We were told that the gate at the front entrance equipped with cameras are to provide safety.  In what sense?  The gates are open during the day from 6am-7pm, and I'm ok with this.  In fact, I think there shouldn't be a gate in the first place because it is a false sense of security that they use as an excuse for an increase of HOA fees.  We started out with a sensor tag to open the gate, that could be read from anywhere in the vehicle, well it didn't take long before that wasn't good enough and they sent out notes saying that we would soon have to go with a sensor tag that sticks on the windshield below the mirror (like a freeway toll tag)  So now instead of having a sensor that doesn't have to be displayed tackily to the windshield we have to sport a tag big enough for me to write "Hello, my name is CoconutHurts" on it.  Oh I haven't even gotten to the other set of sensor cards, the one to get in the pool, the gym, and oh the bathroom for the gym and pool (it's seperate) it always feels like I'm going to the DFW airport (not being able to put i.d. away) when I get to this so-called private community, It's so private they card the residence more times than a bar.  I thought the privacy was to keep others out not us in and imprisoned.  Yes, every community has its set of rules, but to know that we paid like idiots to live in a private community that did everything but give us privacy is absurd.  It is on a regular basis they send out flyers telling us of new community regulations.  We have to ask for permission before planting anything in the backyard, what is so private about this?  They have even sent out notes about neighbors back yards being sub-standard, if it's a private community, how did they know about the yard in the first place?  So the truth is there is nothing private about a private community, at least not this one. Take away the gate, get rid of tags and give us tinted windows please.....................

CoconutsHurt: Eating Ice Cream with A Fork

CoconutsHurt: Eating Ice Cream with A Fork: "Each piece of dinnerware has a specific edible partner; the salad fork for the salad, the soup spoon for the soup, gravy bowl to the gravy, ..."

CoconutsHurt: Thanks For The Parachute with Holes In It

CoconutsHurt: Thanks For The Parachute with Holes In It: "There were many times that I should have listened to an Otis Redding song instead of following my advice from friends. I mean some people ar..."

CoconutsHurt: CONCUBINAGE

CoconutsHurt: CONCUBINAGE: "I've heard of the term 'concubine' from either books I've read in the past or old classic movies, but what I didn't know was that if you liv..."

CONCUBINAGE

I've heard of the term "concubine" from either books I've read in the past or old classic movies, but what I didn't know was that if you live in a state where common-law marriage is recognized, and you're practicing it..."You" are a part of an act of "Concubinage"...after knowing that common-law marriage isn't as appealing as I thought it was.  You can look the term up on an online dictionary and check it out for yourself.  So what exactly does this mean, well if we were to go by the historical meaning of it, well it varies.  Different cultures means different meanings and historical duties that of a concubine....for me a concubine is equivalent to calling a woman a "well respected whore" Ouch......I have nothing against common-law marriage, I just wish that it wasn't defined with the word "Concubinage" because I'm sure no woman wants to be considered a "Concubine" after washing your dirty clothes and cooking you a warm cooked meal.  Can someone please edit the dictionary!

Thanks For The Parachute with Holes In It

There were many times that I should have listened to an Otis Redding song instead of following my advice from friends. I mean some people are easier at declining advice from. For example, I would never ask for relationship advice from a stripper, someone who just left an orgy, a polygamist, addicted gambler, a swinger (not the ones who swing dance the ones who trade partners like baseball cards) convicted rapist or someone who has been through as many divorces as Elizabeth Taylor. Some people are backed with accredited degrees but have only spent their lives listening to people with problems without going through it themselves, sorry but there is a huge difference between base jumping and talking about base jumping. Then there is the friends group, you have this circle of friends, you grew up with, you went to school with etc. to confide in, the only problem is you're afraid of what they may say or how they may feel about you after you've said it, so that pretty much leaves you with talking to strangers via the internet using some quirky pseudonym as a screen name. But while I fall.............THANKS FOR THE PARACHUTE WITH HOLES IN IT!

Eating Ice Cream with A Fork

Each piece of dinnerware has a specific edible partner; the salad fork for the salad, the soup spoon for the soup, gravy bowl to the gravy, butter dish for the butter, etc. and the only time this pairing of utensil food mating is broken is when I suffer from a family contributed backload of house chores.


Wait, “backload” would be the wrong term to use, because that’s assuming that laundry isn’t done everyday or that dishes aren’t done everyday, when they are. So I will call it the “Everyday-load”.

If each person in my family of four, took a shower for the day that would mean that the total number of dirty clothing items removed and placed into the laundry basket should equal one load, Wrong! by the time I get to the laundry room I end up with six loads of dirty laundry, all because my thirteen year old son has two invisible laundry baskets in his room, he will stockpile dirty clothes in his room instead of easily dropping them off to the laundry room that is located directly two feet across from their bathroom door. My six year old Daughter, my Son and their Papa are what I call “Area Strippers”, whatever area either one happens to be standing at the moment of change is where the dirty clothes fall off.

So everyday I play “hunt the dirty laundry”. I am guilty of compulsively stalling the laundry production line due to my obsession with ironing their t-shirts. My partner and my Son constantly tell me they don’t need their t-shirts ironed but I don’t want them walking out with wrinkles and people thinking that they are victims of a neglectful mother.

Dishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember back in the days when we started out with just a single set. That set of dinnerware was all you needed to feed your family. Until, that “one” guest came over and you didn’t have enough plates so someone ended up with a bowl to hold a steak. To avoid this shortage from happening again we went out and bought another set of dinnerware, and this became the beginning of the never ending sink full of dirty dishes. My partner “Papa” will use the same glass all day long for his water, but my kids will use a brand new cup each time they take a trip to the kitchen because heaven forbid the cups get mixed up and they get cooties. I have to wash all the dirty dishes just to cook dinner only to end up making dirty dishes again, not to mention all the many bowls and plates for snacks throughout the day, the many utensils it took to cut the cheese, spread the peanut butter, cut a meat package open, eat ice cream, etc. They will use every clean piece of dinnerware up until the cabinets and drawers are bare.

To add insult to injury; as I look at all the dirty plates in the sink, I wonder how all those plates got there when on the counter is a tall stack of useable PAPER PLATES! And then I look in the pantry and see a stack of useable PLASTIC CUPS!

I have to admit that my partner does offer to lend a hand at helping with house chores but because I’m afraid of a new line of pink clothing after he does laundry or a clean plate with last night’s dinner still stuck on it after being run through the dishwasher, I end up doing all the chores myself.

So………..when I walk into the kitchen and take the last clean bowl left in the pantry after doing numerous hours of cleaning and I pack two scoops of chocolate mint cookie ice cream into it, I would like that after opening up the utensil drawer there’d be a shinny clean spoon so that I don‘t have to retrieve a dirty spoon from the bottom of mixed decaying slushy fluid to enjoy 10 minutes of break from the monotony of house chores……but there is only a fork.

SCREW IT! ….I’m eating ice cream with a fork.


Rachel Cutrer